KNOWING

 If I had known that on that day our time was near the end

I would have done things differently, my forever friend.

I would have stayed right next to you deep into the night

but I thought I’d see you in the early morning light.

And so, I said “Good night” to you as I walked in through the door

never thinking of the time when I’d see you no more.

But if I had known that on that day our time was at the end

I would have done things so differently, my forever friend.

 Sally Evans (written for Shoo-Fly)

 

I usually start off a blog with this has been a good week.  After all we really don’t have much control whether the week is good or bad.  Just how we respond to it.  But this week has been especially bad.  We lost our best buddy for the last 12 years.  Our beloved white German Sheppard, Neige (French for snow) had to be put down on Tuesday.  And I am telling you, that was hard.  She had developed a condition known as Canine Degenerative Myelopathy.  I guess in some ways it is similar to MS or ALS in humans.  There is no cure for it.  Since her diagnosis in May she had become a “housebound dog.”  Prior to that point she had been taking her usual 5 to 6 mile walk several days each week.  So, we had a little bit of time to realize and to come to grips with, the fact that the inevitable was coming.

But your never ready for that moment.  Janet and I were not ready.  How do you accept and express overwhelming grief when it comes?  Neige was our forth Sheppard in the last 35 years.  She was our touchstone.  No mater what kind of day it had been, you could always depend on “dog-girl” being there to give unconditional love and affection.  To say that she had become a part of the family was an understatement.  Even when she became house bound, she was always there wagging her tail, happy to see you,  giving you the thumbs up in “dog speak” when you got home.

A true snuggle hound at times.

A hiking buddy.

A skiing companion.

The listener.

 

Her passing has left a large gap in our lives.  Right now, I am not sure if it will ever heal, and that is OK.  She will always be a part of us.

I have heard that the emotional wounds that are the deepest, are reminders that you need to take a moment to slow down.  To not be in a big hurry.  To be mindful of what is going on around you.  I find myself thinking back about all the “Neige Moments” that I would like to relive with a new appreciation.  But I can’t…  I can only go forward.

Good by Neigie, you were much, much more than a loyal and faithful companion.  If I had known that our last time together was near.  I would have done things so differently……

 

Damn this has been a tough week.  I know things will get better.  And I need to give myself time.  Maybe a little more running on the trails this next week well help to lessen the grief.  Take care my friends, slow down and savor the moments.  Until next time, adios.