“Relax enough, and your body becomes so familiar with the cradle rocking rhythm that you almost forget you’re moving. And once you break through to that soft, half levitating flow, that’s when the mooonlight and champagne show up.” Ann Trason (From the book Born to Run by Christopher McDougall)

“I thought, man, if you could run 100 miles, you’d be in this Zen state. You’d be the f**king Buddha. Bringing peace and a smile to the world. In my case, it didn’t work. I’m the same old punk ass as ever. But there’s always this hope that it’ll turn you into the person you want to be. You know, like a better, more peaceful person. And when I’m out on a long run, the only thing in life that matters is finishing the run. For once, my brain isn’t going ‘bleh bleh bleh bleh.’ Everything just quiets down, and the only thing going on is the pure flow.” Jenn Shelton

“But the longer and further I ran, the more I realized that what I was often chasing was a state of mind – a place where worries that seemed monumental melted away, where the beauty and timelessness of the universe, of the present moment, came into sharp focus.” Scott Jurek

Wow another great two weeks. Marvin is getting a lot bigger!! When we first got him at 8 weeks he was 19lbs. This past Wednesday he was around 30.4lbs. We figured that he would grow but dang, always amazed at how fast it occurs. The socialization is continuing. He has probably surpassed the magical number of 100 different humans that he has met and countless numbers of other dogs. So I am hoping that this really pays off in the long run. It is interesting in that the fear factor seems to ebb and flow. One day he is fearful of the trash truck, or the Geese. Then the next day, they are not a problem. And vise versa? If Janet and I are both out walking him things are a little better. Not sure what that is about?

Finishing up some training ,in preparation for the Quad Rock 50. If I can do this it will be earliest in the year that I have run a 50 miler and that would be pretty cool. The last couple of weeks have been a slow taper so that I am fully rested and ready to go on May 11th. I have been fortunate to experience some wonderful afternoon weather the last 2 weeks. Just beautiful. Of course each week is different and it is Spring time in Colorado, so you still have to throw a little snow into the mix. Lol

Watching the news over the last couple of weeks. There were two events that got me to thinking about the meaninglessness of life in general. One involved a person going to work on his motorcycle, just the average guy on his way to work, enjoying the beautiful morning, and bam, hit by a car and killed. Game over. The second one involved a wreck down by Denver on I-70 eastbound, coming out of the mountains. Guy driving a semi loses his breaks and plows into multi other cars, killing four people. Again, these were people on their way home, from work, from the store, from whatever. But again, bam! Game over. Both events awful. No meaning, no redeeming quality what so ever. A senseless loss of life in every respect.

At first I got depressed just thinking about them. And while this would not be unusual for anybody to feel this way. I started to obsesses about them a little bit. I think it had to do with the fact that both of these hit close to home for me. I have been that guy on the motorcycle, riding to work, enjoying the morning, but did not get hit by the car. And I have been that guy driving down I-70, coming back from a wonderful day of skiing, looking and seeing the semi’s in the rear view mirror and wondering if their breaks would hold? And they did.

I know that there are those that would say it was some “supreme beings will” that it was not my time to go. But I don’t believe that. I believe it really is just a matter of chance and luck. A quote that sticks in my head from when I first moved to Colorado and took my first Avalanche class was by the director at the time, Knox Williams. And it goes something like this. “Remember the mountains are full of dead experts. You read about it all the time, he or she was an expert skier, hiker, biker, snowshoer, etc… and they are all dead. The mountain does not care.” To extrapolate this further. I would say that the “Universe does not care.”

Some might find this really depressing, and I did for a very short period of time. But it soon gave way to a kind of liberation. To realize that all our worrying, our anxieties, our fretting in whatever we are doing to get all the “details” just right. Does not really matter in the end. You could have been the model employee for the corporation, the faultless parent, the ultimate spouse, the quintessential neighbor, etc…. And bam! Game over. None of it mattered, your dead. Wow! That does sound depressing, but is it?

I for one don’t think that it is. I put forth that it is liberating. There is no deity, no person, no organization that you are beholding to. No provisos, no dogma, no limitations that are written in stone. You are free to determine your own destiny. For good or bad there is no “big eye” in the sky watching you. At least not a made up “magical one.” At some point technology will allow this to occur but that discussion is for another story. Of course what I am describing here is Existentialism. And some may say that I am having an “Existential Crisis.” Lol. And I guess that could be the case. But I don’t believe so. I think last weeks events were just a reminder of how I have felt for a long time, down deep. This coming May I will have been in the health care field for 40 years with the majority of that time spent in Emergency Medicine. And it has shaped my perspective on life to say the least. I truly believe that there is no meaning to life. It is just a jumble of random events that happen to us. If you want meaning you have to bring it. You have to create your own story. Not the other way around. And with this comes freedom but at the same time a considerable responsibility. Some can handle this responsibility and some can’t.

Finding our own meaning takes some significant digging. It is not for the faint of heart. The first step is taking the time to find out “who you are” and this takes a lot of inner work. But one place to start this process is with meditation. I know, I know. I can hear it now. “I am not going to do that new age bulls**t.” But in reality, this tool, and that is all it is, goes back 1000s and 1000s of years. You don’t have to become Buddhist, or sit for hours chanting “OM”. You can start the process in as little as 5 minutes per day and build up from there. I keep track of my time spent meditating with a phone app. Somedays it is a long one, depending on the time I have available and others it is just 5 minutes. Meditation helps to open a door or window into who your “real self” might be. And that my friends is powerful.

Well I think that is going to be about it for me on this blog post. Time to move forward off of the soapbox and on to other things. Existentialism Crisis solved?! Lololololol. No, I don’t think so and that is part of the “struggle” in being human. Let me know if you have had these same feelings? And what your solutions might have been. I would love to hear from you.

I hope everyone has had a great two weeks and I am looking forward to the next two. I will let you know how the Quad Rock goes. Take care and I hope to see you out there! Where ever “out there” may be. Adios amigos!!