“When one has been angry for a very long time, one gets used to it. And it becomes comfortable, like.…like old leather. And finally….becomes so familiar that one can’t even remember feeling any other way.” – From Captain Jean-Luc Picard (Episode – The Wounded)

I am an artist. Be it a struggling artist, but still an artist. It has taken me a really long time to make that statement about myself. Funny – I believe that I knew I was an artist since the age of about 5 or 6. But as the old saying goes: “The seed has to be planted on fertile ground for it to grow.” It has taken a long time for the seed to finally find that fertile ground.

A significant family member who was influential in raising me had a very serious anxiety disorder. In her struggle to cope with life and all of its vicissitudes she became very controlling. If there was something that you wanted to do but she did not feel that it was “Kosher” then by god you were not going to do it – under threat of corporal punishment. My childhood in Texas, the Wichita Falls area, spanned the years from 1962 to 1980 and real men and boys at that time did not do “Art” in the traditional sense – this is what I was led to believe. I was threatened with beatings, called names like sissy and queer and made to feel abnormal if I asked for art supplies or talked about art. The usual commit was: “Why do you want to do that are you queer, that’s for sissies, it’s not for you and besides you’re not good enough.” These are some the fondest memories of my mother. I can talk about this now because she is dead. She passed away due to cancer the day after Thanksgiving 2013. It was an incredible relief. I felt as if a controlling, dominating, dictating force had finally been lifted from my life. It was a good thing.

The ART seed did find some fertile ground in the late 1990s and is still growing. Kind of a stunted bush at the moment. Because of my childhood, the art that I do has a tendency to drift toward “irreverence.” It will not be me painting the pastoral nature scene unless there is “something” seriously wrong with it. It would need a sword wielding Barbarian or female warrior holding the head of some recently vanquished enemy. Yes – irreverence, disrespect, derision, mockery, sarcasm, fear, anxiety, etc…. That is what moves me to paint, to draw, to sculpt, to make art.

I learned two things in my art classes. The first one is that: “Nothing is sacred.” The second thing is that: “In Art – it’s all been done before so stealing is OK, original ideas are very, very rare. So steal it and just make it yours.” The paintings that I am showing here are “bad boy” characters from TV animation – Mo and Side Show Bob from the Simpsons and Stewie from Family guy. I have also include one of my first dragon paintings.

So that is it for me this week – training is still going good for the Quad Rock 50. Lots of snow in the mountains of Colorado this last week. Should be good spring skiing.